Soccer mom

Our oldest had his first game of the season last night. His jersey number is 48. He's playing defense and goalie. He did great on both. In fact, without prejudice I'd say he was one of (if not the) best players on the team! He really made some great stops! More than that though he was showing signs of leadership telling the other boys which positions to take to increase their strengths. I was really proud of our kiddo. He's showing a lot of talent and it's coupled with amazing grades and budding leadership skills. He's turning into quite the young man. Love my boy <3

Hair Care

I am so very blessed to have such a beautiful Baby Girl. She is growing and changing every day and I pray thanksgiving for the privilege of being her mom each morning and each night. I also pray thanks for the many wonderful people who have become a support network for many different aspects of our journey. Yesterday I had a new friend come over and help me with Baby Girl's hair. It's growing like the rest of her and is particularly long on top. Not only did our friend come to teach me, she brought all of the stuff we needed for now and for a little later on! What a blessing! She showed me some tricks and taught me about the product and encouraged me that it'll get faster and easier with practice :)
Well, my Baby Girl was beautiful to start, but she looks so adorable with her hair done!

Big Sister's Birthday

We celebrated Big Sister's 5th birthday today. We were welcomed by all as 'just part of the family.' Not only did we feel welcome, but they all seemed to enjoy theirselves and actually want to be there! Nobody was rushing for the door. They were enjoying their relationships and family time! What a refreshing family experience; one that I felt blessed to be part of. I am so thankful for many aspects of this journey. I love birthday cake :)

Fall

I love each season for different reasons. I love autumn for the smells, warm colors, football, chili, and festivals. The cooler weather the last few days has given us a glimpse of what fall will bring.

We have been and are still waiting on a call to tell us if visitation will move forward with Baby Girl's bio relative. I'm praying that no news is good news. I don't really have any other way to look at it. Today we are one month out from our next court date. I love her. I pray.

She is really getting around now. She crawls full speed on all fours, she pulls up on everything, and she's picking up anything and trying to put it in her mouth!

Our oldest wanted me to be the soccer 'team mom.' with everything going on I told him I just didn't know if I could commit to it. Well no one else volunteered and it's a job that must be done. I guess it's official: I'm a soccer mom! My boy is happy and really it wouldn't be me if I wasn't juggling too much haha!

After the football game I came home to finish making pound cake for tomorrow's teacher brunch at the Elementary school. I make THE Best pound cake. It's a recipe I came by last year when we were doing our GPS training and it's phenomenal! I hope the teachers enjoy it!

I love my family.

I pray

People tell me I should pray about what's happening with Baby Girl. It always surprises me. Do they think I don't pray? How would I get through each day? How would she have gotten here at all?

I pray every day. I have been praying for years now. I prayed for a beautiful baby girl for my husband and I to parent together. I prayed specifically for Trinity, the one who would complete us. She would be a beautiful mix of us both with dark wavy hair, bright eyes, big spirit, and his intellect. Trinity never came though I cried out in anguish. I still think God heard me though because he's answered me.
Baby Girl and Baby J, maybe others later, these are my daughters. They are the perfect answer to imperfect prayer. Baby Girl, my first girl, she is more real and more satisfying than anything I envisioned of what 'our child' would be. She is full of life and spirit. I thank God for her continually for she fills the hole in my Mother's heart. She is the answer to many tearful cries. She is beautiful and more perfect than any prayer I made for her.
I still pray. Everyday I pray. I pray thanks for the blessing that she is. I pray for the strength and courage to be her mom, to be her advocate, to be her voice. I pray for her protection. I pray that no matter His plan and the path that is before us that she'll know she was loved even before first sight.
I am human though and while I try to be strong through this, sometimes I am weak, and then I pray, if there is any way please Dear God let her stay. The only answer I hear is 'Be still.' I don't know what comes but I am most certainly praying.

Aching

There was an updated on our Baby Girl's case today.  Of the three prospective relatives there are now only two placement possibilities and of those two only one is moving forward right now.  I know in part that this is good news as the odds dwindle, but I am overwhelmed because it is moving forward even with the one.  I woke in tears, dreaming of our loss...  My heart aches and yet I try to remain hopeful.  I have wanted to be a mom for a long while now.  She is more amazing than anything I ever envisioned.  I no longer wish to be a mom; I am a mom.  I am her mom, forever and ever no matter what, and she is my little girl.  The thought of losing her is far worse than what not being a mom would've been....  It's so easy to be angry to shake my fists and say "Why me?!" But I believe there has to be a Plan. I am ever hopeful that she IS my plan... I hope I have the strength to get through this.  This is a hard road we took and not knowing what's around the next bend is terrifying in my soul.  The next few weeks will bring visitation and court is around the corner in October.

Football Momma

I'm so glad our youngest son is playing football! For many reasons this is great for him! This is the first sport he's ever requested to play, he's making new friends, building confidence, becoming more fit and athletic, and ENJOYING it!! I could go on with the benefits to him, but it suffices that I'm so happy he has found something he likes. Great for him, but I'm happy for another reason too: I always wanted to be a football momma if I had a boy!! I love football! I love the game! I love the atmosphere, I love the uniforms, I love the cheerleaders, I love everything about it! Congrats, C! I'm proud of you for doing this and I'm proud to be a Homewood Patriots football momma! I'll be cheering for #70!