I should be sleeping

I should be sleeping, but I'm up and missing my Littlest Girl. Baby J, I think of you often. I miss you always. The time you were here seems forever ago, but my heart hurts at times like you left yesterday. I miss how you smelled of Johnson's pink baby lotion. I miss how you laid warm on my chest. I miss the beautiful sound of your giggle. I miss that serious face you had so wise beyond time. I miss your sweet, gentle spirit.
Baby J, you touched my heart, my Mother's heart. I am so proud that I got to be your mommy for those first months. It was a very busy time and some nights were really rough. You were so sick when you came home. I didn't know if your toes would ever uncurl and sometimes you screamed in so much pain. There were times I cried while you cried. It was hard and it hurt me to see you so sick. It angered me too... But then you began to grow and get well. Your cute tiny toes did uncurl and you would just giggle when I kissed them.
I know you're not a tiny baby, I my heart I know, but I miss holding you. I miss the way your hair felt against my cheek. I trust you're where you're supposed to be, My Tiny One. I trust that this was The Master Plan for us both. But I hate I've missed watching you grow. I wish I could see you now. I'd love to see you toddle about and I wonder how many teeth you have? Do you love to dance and clap? What's your favorite show? I miss you. This Mommy still loves you so very much. Goodnight, Baby J. I hope I dream of holding you.