Gotcha Day First Anniversary

Wow a year in retrospect. I can't believe it has been a while year!! I didn't blog last year on the day of, maybe I should've forced myself to, but I just couldn't. It was so overwhelming words failed me - they still fail me. The air was sweeter, cleaner, and gravity didn't exist. I think I floated through the day on a cloud. A heavy burden of fear lifted that day and I felt so weightless. There's nothing like the fear you could lose your child; waking up with it every day is exhausting. But a year ago today, that fear went away. We sat in the courtroom, our daughter between us, surrounded by her brothers, our parents and siblings and friends and family. There were over 20 people! We had all been waiting on that glorious day!!  And in that courtroom, we said forever in front of those friends and family. And in that moment life was lighter, our hearts swelled, and the legacy of our family changed forever.

Let me tell you about my daughter. She amazes me. She came home this tiny, sick, 4lb 11oz baby girl. She captured my heart when I met her. She has grown so quickly. I wish she would slow down! Last year she toddled about; today she walks and runs with purpose as little children do. She will always be my sweet, tiny Baby Girl, but she is my little girl now.

I thank God for the daughter he blessed us with. I thank him daily for the privilege of being her mother. I ask for guidance on the road of parenthood. Mostly I ask for His protection and for His love - that it will abound and fill her so that she would truly know that she is the desire of my heart - and His.

A year has gone by since it was forever and my eyes still shine with tears of joy because the desire of my heart lay sleeping in the next room. Thank you, God, for my daughter.

Hard places

It seems we've hit one of those hard places. Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Blended families are hard. Work is hard. Parenting teenagers and toddlers is hard. There is nothing easy, light, or carefree right now. What I wouldn't give for that easy going smile that gently moved from the heart to the eyes.

Even in these times where we push through it, I am thankful for my husband, my children, and our home. This week we celebrate the first anniversary of our daughter's forever with us and nothing will rain on that.

Making Easter with My Daughter

My daughter is something else! She delights and intrigues me!

This morning I was up early to get a jump start on Easter preparations for tomorrow. Then came her fast little feet down the hallway. With bright eyes and big smile she said 'Hi, Mommy!' 

She immediately became my little helper. As with anything I do with her I talked through each step as we began making homemade banana nut bread. She peeled the bananas and helped mash them. Each step I told her about the ingredients and I let her add them to the bowl. When we got to the bag of flour I got a surprise. 

I said 'now we add the flour.' She looked at me funny. She peeked in the bag before her. Then very clearly she shook her head and said 'No, Mommy.' She pointed outside. She said, 'Flower. Tree.' Then she shook her head yes at me. 

I laughed and laughed. My little girl is so smart. She listened and she understood. And in her limited vocabulary she told me I was wrong! Flour vs. flower 

She cracks me up!

On the eve of 35

It's been much too long since I made an entry here. So much happened in this last year. So much of it overwhelmed to the point I didn't know how I'd ever write it down - so I just didn't. 

I think the word that summed up the year 2013 is 'daughter'. Chris and I finalized our daughter's adoption in August. Taylor Desiree Pierce. The desire of Mommy's heart. That day will forever be amazing. Tears of joy. Laughter. Peace for the first time in a long time. God's amazing plan.

So 34 has been a good year. A GREAT year really! We have breathed deeply and fully and enjoyed every morsel of life to its fullest. I have played and laughed and watched in wonder at each passing day at her growth, her strength, her intelligence, and her beauty. I have shed a few tears watching her change from my tiny four pound baby into this tall little girl who is fearless and challenging.

I've made personal conquests too. I faced my fear of returning to work in pursuit of more than 'a job.' I've met the challenge. I've impressed my employer. I've been promoted. With each day that goes by I feel more sure of myself and my ability to lead and contribute to the organization.

I've run. I've run races. I've run for fun. I've ran when it was raining. I've ran when it was cold and I've ran in the sweltering heat of an Alabama summer. I've challenged myself. I've faced injury and I'm still in recovery, but I run. I run because I love it. I run because I compete - I compete with myself - and I always win. I am still very proud of my half marathon medal - definitely a prized item for this year - but I also already have sights on adding to what I want to be a collection. 

I've spent time with friends. Never as much as I'd like. Mostly this year has deepened existing relationships instead of adding to the mix. My friends are dear precious people - all broken in some way or another - as an I - and all striving to be better, love deeper, and give more. I am blessed by their friendships.

I have learned some things this year. Some are not pretty things though. Some are about me. Perspective. It's the truth. And it's always changing. Sometimes you can say things - you can be adamant in your conviction - you can be telling the complete truth when perspective and circumstance change. You haven't lied and you haven't changed, but the earth beyond you shifted and everything is different. 

Here's hoping that God's hand is on 35. I am looking forward to learning new things about the world - and some about me. I am looking forward to my next medal. I am looking forward to each and every day with My Baby Girl. My Taylor. And with her dad, the Love of my Life. My Christopher.

 Thank you, God, for this beautiful life I have and all your blessings I receive daily and with each breath.