Ready for forever.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Entering the final phase of Forever
We're almost there. I can't believe we're almost there! Our Baby Girl is 18months old! There were so many times I cried and my soul hurt and I feared I'd lose my child. It's not over yet, but we're so very close. TPR was completed this month and today I signed some updated paperwork so her file could officially be transferred to the adoption unit! What a breath of air that was! We were already given the okay to contact the attorney so it's all typed up and ready to be filed as soon as the adoption unit sends over some paperwork! I just can't believe we're finally entering this final phase. I believe with all my heart God's hand has been on this from the beginning. This Momma needed a baby and that precious child needed a Momma. Now I pray for strength and guidance to be the best momma I can be for her. Baby Girl, I love you more than there are stars.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
May Days
May is well under way. It has been full of excitement. First, there was We Love Homewood Day. This is the first Saturday of May every year and has become an annual tradition for our entire family to attend. This year I entered the Homewood Spirit Scamper 5k benefiting the Homewood Marching Band and their upcoming trip to the Rose Bowl next fall. Matt had planned to do this race too and Christian wanted to do the fun run. Unfortunately, the weather of late has been unseasonably cool AND there was crazy rain the night before; although it was a rain or shine event, the course flooded and they cancelled the race. Additionally they had to cancel all the day's park activities held walking distance from our home at Patriot Park. The light at the end of the tunnel however is that the sky cleared and the city put on the annual parade and street dance. It was perfect. I love dancing in the street with my two loves; I love seeing my daughter dance with her daddy anywhere.
The following Saturday, May 11th was the Buck Creek Festival in Helena. This was my first time to attend the festival though it's been going on for over a decade. My favorite part was the rubber duck race; there was a dumpster of rubber ducks turned loose in the creek! I loved seeing Baby Girl play in the creek water, dance by the stage, and in general frolic.
Sunday, May 12th was Mother's Day! It was wonderful! I went to church with my mother, then spent the rest of the day with The Loves of My Life! We had Zoe's chicken salad as a picnic outside the zoo, followed by a wonderful zoo trip! Baby Girl really gets excited over some of the animals and I love to see her face light up! We ended this fun day with a trip to Steel City Pops. This was Baby Girl's second Pops experience; she loves the strawberry! I had the passion fruit flavor and Hubby had the peanut butter. All were phenomenal! Baby Girl even stole mine away from me so she could have both! (I couldn't begrudge her; both is my favorite too) LOL
Thursday the 16th was supposed to be Baby Girl's TPR trial. There was a technicality on timing however and the trial has been postponed until June 4th. The Judge did here Baby Girl's social worker's testimony on the matter however. The social worker resigned from DHR and was moving across the country this weekend. All this transition makes me very uncomfortable, but I am SO thankful that she was able to testify to the details of the case before her departure. We were able to sit in the court room this time and listen to the deposition. While I am SO EXCITED to be moving forward to our forever in the case, it was very sad and hard to hear the "facts" of the case. I wanted to be there in case she ever asks me about it, but I would never want to tell her what was said.
Today, the 18th, was very busy. It included Baby Girl shoe shopping, a birthday party, a Sam's shopping trip, and a 3mile run! I am thoroughly worn out and will be going to sleep very soon.
The following Saturday, May 11th was the Buck Creek Festival in Helena. This was my first time to attend the festival though it's been going on for over a decade. My favorite part was the rubber duck race; there was a dumpster of rubber ducks turned loose in the creek! I loved seeing Baby Girl play in the creek water, dance by the stage, and in general frolic.
Sunday, May 12th was Mother's Day! It was wonderful! I went to church with my mother, then spent the rest of the day with The Loves of My Life! We had Zoe's chicken salad as a picnic outside the zoo, followed by a wonderful zoo trip! Baby Girl really gets excited over some of the animals and I love to see her face light up! We ended this fun day with a trip to Steel City Pops. This was Baby Girl's second Pops experience; she loves the strawberry! I had the passion fruit flavor and Hubby had the peanut butter. All were phenomenal! Baby Girl even stole mine away from me so she could have both! (I couldn't begrudge her; both is my favorite too) LOL
Thursday the 16th was supposed to be Baby Girl's TPR trial. There was a technicality on timing however and the trial has been postponed until June 4th. The Judge did here Baby Girl's social worker's testimony on the matter however. The social worker resigned from DHR and was moving across the country this weekend. All this transition makes me very uncomfortable, but I am SO thankful that she was able to testify to the details of the case before her departure. We were able to sit in the court room this time and listen to the deposition. While I am SO EXCITED to be moving forward to our forever in the case, it was very sad and hard to hear the "facts" of the case. I wanted to be there in case she ever asks me about it, but I would never want to tell her what was said.
Today, the 18th, was very busy. It included Baby Girl shoe shopping, a birthday party, a Sam's shopping trip, and a 3mile run! I am thoroughly worn out and will be going to sleep very soon.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Walk Me Home 2013
Yesterday I ran my second 5k. It was the Walk Me Home 2013 5k supporting foster care in the greater Birmingham area. It was great! This event is part of a national awareness and in 2012 was the largest event nationally. While that's exciting, it's also sad because there's just not enough recognition. Anyways, for me it was wonderful! I brought Baby Girl with me and Sabrina came to watch her while I ran. I ran the course at Veterans park and met my time goal! Then, Baby Girl and I put the blue ribbon symbolizing foster care on the tree together. She is my forever love, but I was thinking of Baby J too. Those two girls have forever changed our lives and I'm so thankful that we chose to walk this path. I thought of my husband too; without his openness, love, and support none of this would be. It was a beautiful morning, filled with a good cause, a good friend, and the Loves of my Life.
My time was 35minutes; down from 42minutes in February. I'm getting faster, stronger, and most definitely leaner.
Next week is the Homewood Spirit Scamper; I'm hoping to drop my time even a little more :)
My time was 35minutes; down from 42minutes in February. I'm getting faster, stronger, and most definitely leaner.
Next week is the Homewood Spirit Scamper; I'm hoping to drop my time even a little more :)
Saturday, April 20, 2013
A Beautiful Day in the Park
What a wonderful day we had today! Baby Girl and I visited friends at Silvertron and had some yummy french toast! We hung out with Melissa and her baby boy, Beck, at Avondale Park! She had a Long nap after that big fun! We spent our afternoon closer to home at Patriot Park where my boys joined us and some friends too!
It was just a beautiful day with my girl. Nothing more and nothing less. To others it might not even be worth writing about, but she's my world so what else would I write about?
My Girl is getting so big! She climbs to the top platform with me right behind and all by herself she gets seated and slides! She says 'weeeee' when we swing! She 'cheeses' for pictures! She's starting to wipe her own hands and she wants to put on her own shoes. I think my least favorite development, though it's completely precious and is completely selfish that it's something I don't like, is that she's putting herself to bed now. I say, 'Are you ready for night night? Do you want to get in your bed?' She toddles down the hall, paci in mouth and starts trying to pull on her crib to get in. When did she get so big?! Where is my baby I want to rock and hold close? I love her so much!!
I just can't believe how fast she's growing all the time! She changes what seems like every day! I love her snuggles; head on my shoulder and sigh of relief snuggles in mommy's arms. They are not as many as I'd like, but they are more precious than gold.
Today there was that threat looming on the edge of unrest, of drama, but I'm really proud of myself for keeping it at bay. I'm proud of myself for remembering that conversation and the ensuing promise I made to her and myself after; I am HER mommy and I will be the best one I can be. I will not let myself get distracted from that. I will continue to be me - the best me I can be - for all my children.
I love my family.
It was just a beautiful day with my girl. Nothing more and nothing less. To others it might not even be worth writing about, but she's my world so what else would I write about?
My Girl is getting so big! She climbs to the top platform with me right behind and all by herself she gets seated and slides! She says 'weeeee' when we swing! She 'cheeses' for pictures! She's starting to wipe her own hands and she wants to put on her own shoes. I think my least favorite development, though it's completely precious and is completely selfish that it's something I don't like, is that she's putting herself to bed now. I say, 'Are you ready for night night? Do you want to get in your bed?' She toddles down the hall, paci in mouth and starts trying to pull on her crib to get in. When did she get so big?! Where is my baby I want to rock and hold close? I love her so much!!
I just can't believe how fast she's growing all the time! She changes what seems like every day! I love her snuggles; head on my shoulder and sigh of relief snuggles in mommy's arms. They are not as many as I'd like, but they are more precious than gold.
Today there was that threat looming on the edge of unrest, of drama, but I'm really proud of myself for keeping it at bay. I'm proud of myself for remembering that conversation and the ensuing promise I made to her and myself after; I am HER mommy and I will be the best one I can be. I will not let myself get distracted from that. I will continue to be me - the best me I can be - for all my children.
I love my family.
Monday, April 8, 2013
It's my birthday!
So it's my birthday today. I'm not usually overly excited about birthdays, but I have to say this has truly been the best celebratory birthday fun! My wonderful husband threw me a birthday party in the park for my friends and their children to come play. It's EXACTLY what I wanted. Not a huge fuss, not a huge mess to clean up, just hot dogs, chips, fruit and cake at the park. We slid down the slide and we took turns swinging. My Baby Girl loves the park! Big Sister and Princess P came too! My boys were there. My friends and their children were there. It was great!
So now the question begs what will the next year bring? Well, it'll bring the adoption of my daughter. It'll bring a vacation at the beach and hopefully another in the Quarter. My boys will both be in middle school. The Love of My Life will hold my hand. It'll bring another full and happy year.
A wise woman once told me their 30's were so much better than their 20's. It's so true. I love the skin I'm in. I love my 30's. I love my boys, my husband, and God knows I love that sleeping Baby Girl.
So here's to another fabulous year!
Happy birthday to me! I am so thankful for this life I'm privileged to live each day! Thankful for every breath.
So now the question begs what will the next year bring? Well, it'll bring the adoption of my daughter. It'll bring a vacation at the beach and hopefully another in the Quarter. My boys will both be in middle school. The Love of My Life will hold my hand. It'll bring another full and happy year.
A wise woman once told me their 30's were so much better than their 20's. It's so true. I love the skin I'm in. I love my 30's. I love my boys, my husband, and God knows I love that sleeping Baby Girl.
So here's to another fabulous year!
Happy birthday to me! I am so thankful for this life I'm privileged to live each day! Thankful for every breath.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
I should be sleeping
I should be sleeping, but I'm up and missing my Littlest Girl. Baby J, I think of you often. I miss you always. The time you were here seems forever ago, but my heart hurts at times like you left yesterday. I miss how you smelled of Johnson's pink baby lotion. I miss how you laid warm on my chest. I miss the beautiful sound of your giggle. I miss that serious face you had so wise beyond time. I miss your sweet, gentle spirit.
Baby J, you touched my heart, my Mother's heart. I am so proud that I got to be your mommy for those first months. It was a very busy time and some nights were really rough. You were so sick when you came home. I didn't know if your toes would ever uncurl and sometimes you screamed in so much pain. There were times I cried while you cried. It was hard and it hurt me to see you so sick. It angered me too... But then you began to grow and get well. Your cute tiny toes did uncurl and you would just giggle when I kissed them.
I know you're not a tiny baby, I my heart I know, but I miss holding you. I miss the way your hair felt against my cheek. I trust you're where you're supposed to be, My Tiny One. I trust that this was The Master Plan for us both. But I hate I've missed watching you grow. I wish I could see you now. I'd love to see you toddle about and I wonder how many teeth you have? Do you love to dance and clap? What's your favorite show? I miss you. This Mommy still loves you so very much. Goodnight, Baby J. I hope I dream of holding you.
Baby J, you touched my heart, my Mother's heart. I am so proud that I got to be your mommy for those first months. It was a very busy time and some nights were really rough. You were so sick when you came home. I didn't know if your toes would ever uncurl and sometimes you screamed in so much pain. There were times I cried while you cried. It was hard and it hurt me to see you so sick. It angered me too... But then you began to grow and get well. Your cute tiny toes did uncurl and you would just giggle when I kissed them.
I know you're not a tiny baby, I my heart I know, but I miss holding you. I miss the way your hair felt against my cheek. I trust you're where you're supposed to be, My Tiny One. I trust that this was The Master Plan for us both. But I hate I've missed watching you grow. I wish I could see you now. I'd love to see you toddle about and I wonder how many teeth you have? Do you love to dance and clap? What's your favorite show? I miss you. This Mommy still loves you so very much. Goodnight, Baby J. I hope I dream of holding you.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
It's already March!
It never ceases to amaze me how fast time seems to slip away these days. I just want to capture each moment but they're flying by with rapid pace.
January was all in all fairly uneventful. I quit working at the restaurant after 2.5 years. It was time. I miss my friends, Marco, and the customers, but all good things come to an end. The boys got back in the groove of school. Baby Girl is off to the races now that she can walk. Sihe's getting a mouth full of teeth too!
February was busy. Every February is busy. We celebrate our anniversary, Valentine's, an My Wonderful Husband's birthday in February. We also celebrate my nephew's birthday. Throw in 3 kids and all their events and the month sails on by! The highlights included running my first 5k - The Mercedes Superhero 5k on Feb 16th. I have to say that was an awesome rush! I cannot wait to do another one! Another highlight was Valentine's day; that amazing man I married made me the most delicious vegetarian gourmet meal! It was portobello mushroom ravioli with an eggplant/goat cheese/fresh basil topping. Delicious is a sub-par word for the delicately complex flavors and textures. He doesn't cook for me often but when he does he knocks it out of the park. I'm blessed with a very thoughtful man. For our Anniversary we went on the Red Mountain zip tour! It was fun (and a little scary) but mostly it was fun. I smiled a lot and screamed like a girl a couple of times, but it was a wonderful adventure to share on a very special day. As we ate dinner as a family on our anniversary night with all three children present the noise level went up and as husband and I locked eyes we smiled - a toast to us and the blessed life we have. We also had a real date night to celebrate our anniversary. We went to GianMarco's in Homewood. It was amazing! Amazing! And Amazing!
Now we're 5 days into March. Day 1 was a very interesting interview followed by dinner with friends we hadn't seen in a while. Day two I discovered my baby is now a toddler. It seemed every time i cleaned up one mess (including applesauce in the air vent) there was another mess to clean (cup of milk from spill proof cup all over floor). Day 2 was frustrating, however Baby wasn't feeling 100% so she also spent lots of time loving on Mommy and thats the best feeling in the world! I do wish she'd have felt better though. Day 3 was a wonderful family day where Daddy and Mommy were able to focus on Baby Girl. Day 4 the boys were back home from the weekend with their mother. Today we had two social worker visits and I had a follow-up interview. Both social workers reiterated how they are just really ready for this to move forward into a TPR and adoption but the courts at slow. I dream of that day when I Can call her Forever. She is forever now though - forever my daughter and my heart. The second interview today was quite possibly the best interview I've ever been on; I think it makes a difference that I wasn't sure I wanted the job I was being interviewed for, but the company president wants to talk about another position!! Wow! Now that's what I call exciting!
Later this month I've scheduled my tattoo appointment. On Baby J's birthday I'll get my mark for her. A tattoo is a scar. She left a beautiful scar on my heart and I want everyone to see it. I miss her a lot right now. It's kind of crazy I think. She left at 4-months old and this month will mark her 1-year birthday. I haven't seen my sweet giggle monster in over 7months. I've been waking thinking of her, wondering how big she is now, does she walk or talk? I know it's because her birthday is approaching. I'm hoping the tattoo will be my little ceremony to bring some closure. I miss you still, Baby J.
Eventually I'll get my tattoo for Baby Girl on the opposite side to balance out Baby J's mark. I have in my head what I want for her, but I'm thinking around 'Gotcha Day' will be more appropriate.
I am so blessed. A mother with no children and yet I am blessed to be (step)mom to two little boys that I've had the privilege of watching grow since they were so very young, I have my daughter to be Baby Girl the Love of my Life, and I was blessed to be Baby J's mom for her first four months. I've carried none, but I have been honored to care for and love so many thus far.
Thank you God for my four children, my thoughtful giving husband, and this beautiful life you give me each day. I am astounded at your grace and mercy. I am thankful for each breath, each smile, and even for cleaning applesauce from the vent.
January was all in all fairly uneventful. I quit working at the restaurant after 2.5 years. It was time. I miss my friends, Marco, and the customers, but all good things come to an end. The boys got back in the groove of school. Baby Girl is off to the races now that she can walk. Sihe's getting a mouth full of teeth too!
February was busy. Every February is busy. We celebrate our anniversary, Valentine's, an My Wonderful Husband's birthday in February. We also celebrate my nephew's birthday. Throw in 3 kids and all their events and the month sails on by! The highlights included running my first 5k - The Mercedes Superhero 5k on Feb 16th. I have to say that was an awesome rush! I cannot wait to do another one! Another highlight was Valentine's day; that amazing man I married made me the most delicious vegetarian gourmet meal! It was portobello mushroom ravioli with an eggplant/goat cheese/fresh basil topping. Delicious is a sub-par word for the delicately complex flavors and textures. He doesn't cook for me often but when he does he knocks it out of the park. I'm blessed with a very thoughtful man. For our Anniversary we went on the Red Mountain zip tour! It was fun (and a little scary) but mostly it was fun. I smiled a lot and screamed like a girl a couple of times, but it was a wonderful adventure to share on a very special day. As we ate dinner as a family on our anniversary night with all three children present the noise level went up and as husband and I locked eyes we smiled - a toast to us and the blessed life we have. We also had a real date night to celebrate our anniversary. We went to GianMarco's in Homewood. It was amazing! Amazing! And Amazing!
Now we're 5 days into March. Day 1 was a very interesting interview followed by dinner with friends we hadn't seen in a while. Day two I discovered my baby is now a toddler. It seemed every time i cleaned up one mess (including applesauce in the air vent) there was another mess to clean (cup of milk from spill proof cup all over floor). Day 2 was frustrating, however Baby wasn't feeling 100% so she also spent lots of time loving on Mommy and thats the best feeling in the world! I do wish she'd have felt better though. Day 3 was a wonderful family day where Daddy and Mommy were able to focus on Baby Girl. Day 4 the boys were back home from the weekend with their mother. Today we had two social worker visits and I had a follow-up interview. Both social workers reiterated how they are just really ready for this to move forward into a TPR and adoption but the courts at slow. I dream of that day when I Can call her Forever. She is forever now though - forever my daughter and my heart. The second interview today was quite possibly the best interview I've ever been on; I think it makes a difference that I wasn't sure I wanted the job I was being interviewed for, but the company president wants to talk about another position!! Wow! Now that's what I call exciting!
Later this month I've scheduled my tattoo appointment. On Baby J's birthday I'll get my mark for her. A tattoo is a scar. She left a beautiful scar on my heart and I want everyone to see it. I miss her a lot right now. It's kind of crazy I think. She left at 4-months old and this month will mark her 1-year birthday. I haven't seen my sweet giggle monster in over 7months. I've been waking thinking of her, wondering how big she is now, does she walk or talk? I know it's because her birthday is approaching. I'm hoping the tattoo will be my little ceremony to bring some closure. I miss you still, Baby J.
Eventually I'll get my tattoo for Baby Girl on the opposite side to balance out Baby J's mark. I have in my head what I want for her, but I'm thinking around 'Gotcha Day' will be more appropriate.
I am so blessed. A mother with no children and yet I am blessed to be (step)mom to two little boys that I've had the privilege of watching grow since they were so very young, I have my daughter to be Baby Girl the Love of my Life, and I was blessed to be Baby J's mom for her first four months. I've carried none, but I have been honored to care for and love so many thus far.
Thank you God for my four children, my thoughtful giving husband, and this beautiful life you give me each day. I am astounded at your grace and mercy. I am thankful for each breath, each smile, and even for cleaning applesauce from the vent.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
A Week of Running
It's now been over a week and I'm proud to report I'm still running! Now, I'll be honest, I haven't made as much progress as I'd intended. That said, I have made progress and I've made that progress in spite of stomach virus and shoes that put my toes to sleep. I returned the shoes and exchanged them for some Nike Pegasus running shoes. My new shoes don't make my toes go to sleep and they're super cute :) I should be moving up to the next stage of training by the weekend! It's slow but the weekly goals of increase actually make me feel really positive.
On a side note, today I had my first interview in YEARS! It went well and I am excited about the prospect, but am still nervous about the coming transition.
Gotta Run!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Happy 2013!
Wow January 1 has arrived! It's that time of year to set goals, aspirations, hopes and dreams down for the upcoming year.
My first goal is to get more fit. I intend to start running. I love being outdoors and our neighborhood is great for walking, but that's just not enough exercise. I purchased some running shoes and have done some research on how to get started. I've even done my first day!
I aspire to do at least one 5k race this year as a result of my goal.
My second goal is to find a new day job. I have already begun sending resumes and have beefed up my wardrobe in preparation for the transition. I am a little scared about this decision, but serving tables, though I mostly enjoy it, isn't as stable an income for the shifts I'm able to work these days. If I have to be at work I'd really like to make some money.
I aspire to find a job at a larger company with growth potential.
My third goal is directly related to the second. I'd like to start a savings account and to pay down some debt. After I obtain the job I'd like to put 5-10% in savings.
Lastly, I aspire to be the best wife and mother I can be for my family.
My hopes and dreams for the year all focus on finalizing the adoption of our daughter. This matter and its timeline are completely in God's hands.
May 2013 find my friends and family happy, healthy, and prosperous and may God continue blessing our home and family.
Happy New Years!
My first goal is to get more fit. I intend to start running. I love being outdoors and our neighborhood is great for walking, but that's just not enough exercise. I purchased some running shoes and have done some research on how to get started. I've even done my first day!
I aspire to do at least one 5k race this year as a result of my goal.
My second goal is to find a new day job. I have already begun sending resumes and have beefed up my wardrobe in preparation for the transition. I am a little scared about this decision, but serving tables, though I mostly enjoy it, isn't as stable an income for the shifts I'm able to work these days. If I have to be at work I'd really like to make some money.
I aspire to find a job at a larger company with growth potential.
My third goal is directly related to the second. I'd like to start a savings account and to pay down some debt. After I obtain the job I'd like to put 5-10% in savings.
Lastly, I aspire to be the best wife and mother I can be for my family.
My hopes and dreams for the year all focus on finalizing the adoption of our daughter. This matter and its timeline are completely in God's hands.
May 2013 find my friends and family happy, healthy, and prosperous and may God continue blessing our home and family.
Happy New Years!
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