it's 4:57am as I sit here at my computer. I've been up since shortly after 2.... Anxiety at work keeps my chest tight and I've learned over the last months that getting up to complete other tasks is far better than staring at the ceiling for what seems endless hours - or fitful sleep grinding my teeth to where my jaw aches the next day...
so today, this morning, I've studied. reviewed really. finals are next week. I'm both excited and nervous about finals. it's my first go-round in 9 years - it's hard to even fathom that it's been that long...
This first semester has been challenging. Graduate school is nothing like undergraduate for me. While I have always been a working student, juggling a higher job with more responsibility and an asshole director have added one layer of complexity. Juggling 3 kids has added another.
I actually kind of like those mornings I can't sleep - not because of the anxiety of course, but because I actually have the uninterrupted time to study and I'm awake enough to focus and retain.
I love being a student. In the work-world, things are often repetitive and or monotonous - there's nothing like scholastic environment to tickle the brain and make it think.
I hope one day it pays off. i'm not sure right now how to direct where I want to go, but I'm trying to make logical decisions to get there.... I really want to move more into analysis and project management seeing the analysis through the process to completion. I love to see an end result and I love new and changing challenges.
for now, I guess I just try to get through the day to day. survive work, study to excel, play with my daughter, play outside in the dirt and breathe - always remembering just BREATHE. At the end of the day if it all unravels, as long as the sun shines on my skin and the dirt is under my feet then I get to share the day with the people I love. For the love of breathing.
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
To Angie Bridell
The world lost a bright light today. Your light. I have been stunned all day at the news and even now am at such a loss as to what to do with this....
Oh, Sweet Girl, our time together was limited. I enjoyed working with you at the restaurant so much. I enjoyed watching you go through classes and study and then to graduate! Oh happy days! You studied so much and physically worked so hard to make your goal of becoming a police officer! I was so happy for you and excited, and a little sad to lose you at work, when you made the force. But I was also so proud of you and so thankful that you, my friend, would be our city's protector.
You were such a spit-fire. Tough as nails, but with a heart in the right spot. I knew you would do well in the force, because you care about people - and about stopping what is wrong in the world. I still giggle when I think about your exit from our restaurant - telling the manager on duty to suck it because you were a cop now...
So you went your way, and I went mine, and our brief intersection was gone. We were just facebook friends now with the occasional personal message exchange.
I saw you get married. I saw your beautiful, young happy face marry the man who you loved. I saw the pictures you posted of your lives together. I would look and say I know her and I'm so glad she's happy.
And then, all too recently, I saw your posts of sadness, of loss, of darkness. And my heart ached for you at the loss of your husband. And I shed tears for your loss in private. And I reached out to you the only way I knew to - with a facebook message to say I'm thinking of you and be tough - that tough girl that I know. Every time I saw your posts of aching empty heart, I prayed for you and I wished you strength...
Today I see you've left us. I'm so sorry for your loss, Sweet Woman. I am sorry I didn't stay closer to you. I am sorry for the fierce warrior this world lost. I am sorry for your friends and your family. I am sorry for your sweet husband who I'm sure would not have wanted this for you. I will miss you and I will miss seeing your posts of what the future would hold for you.... I will miss knowing you are working the streets and keeping us safe. The world will miss you because there are not enough like you. Fly high, Angie. Rest in Peace.
Oh, Sweet Girl, our time together was limited. I enjoyed working with you at the restaurant so much. I enjoyed watching you go through classes and study and then to graduate! Oh happy days! You studied so much and physically worked so hard to make your goal of becoming a police officer! I was so happy for you and excited, and a little sad to lose you at work, when you made the force. But I was also so proud of you and so thankful that you, my friend, would be our city's protector.
You were such a spit-fire. Tough as nails, but with a heart in the right spot. I knew you would do well in the force, because you care about people - and about stopping what is wrong in the world. I still giggle when I think about your exit from our restaurant - telling the manager on duty to suck it because you were a cop now...
So you went your way, and I went mine, and our brief intersection was gone. We were just facebook friends now with the occasional personal message exchange.
I saw you get married. I saw your beautiful, young happy face marry the man who you loved. I saw the pictures you posted of your lives together. I would look and say I know her and I'm so glad she's happy.
And then, all too recently, I saw your posts of sadness, of loss, of darkness. And my heart ached for you at the loss of your husband. And I shed tears for your loss in private. And I reached out to you the only way I knew to - with a facebook message to say I'm thinking of you and be tough - that tough girl that I know. Every time I saw your posts of aching empty heart, I prayed for you and I wished you strength...
Today I see you've left us. I'm so sorry for your loss, Sweet Woman. I am sorry I didn't stay closer to you. I am sorry for the fierce warrior this world lost. I am sorry for your friends and your family. I am sorry for your sweet husband who I'm sure would not have wanted this for you. I will miss you and I will miss seeing your posts of what the future would hold for you.... I will miss knowing you are working the streets and keeping us safe. The world will miss you because there are not enough like you. Fly high, Angie. Rest in Peace.
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