it's 4:57am as I sit here at my computer. I've been up since shortly after 2.... Anxiety at work keeps my chest tight and I've learned over the last months that getting up to complete other tasks is far better than staring at the ceiling for what seems endless hours - or fitful sleep grinding my teeth to where my jaw aches the next day...
so today, this morning, I've studied. reviewed really. finals are next week. I'm both excited and nervous about finals. it's my first go-round in 9 years - it's hard to even fathom that it's been that long...
This first semester has been challenging. Graduate school is nothing like undergraduate for me. While I have always been a working student, juggling a higher job with more responsibility and an asshole director have added one layer of complexity. Juggling 3 kids has added another.
I actually kind of like those mornings I can't sleep - not because of the anxiety of course, but because I actually have the uninterrupted time to study and I'm awake enough to focus and retain.
I love being a student. In the work-world, things are often repetitive and or monotonous - there's nothing like scholastic environment to tickle the brain and make it think.
I hope one day it pays off. i'm not sure right now how to direct where I want to go, but I'm trying to make logical decisions to get there.... I really want to move more into analysis and project management seeing the analysis through the process to completion. I love to see an end result and I love new and changing challenges.
for now, I guess I just try to get through the day to day. survive work, study to excel, play with my daughter, play outside in the dirt and breathe - always remembering just BREATHE. At the end of the day if it all unravels, as long as the sun shines on my skin and the dirt is under my feet then I get to share the day with the people I love. For the love of breathing.