Aching

There was an updated on our Baby Girl's case today.  Of the three prospective relatives there are now only two placement possibilities and of those two only one is moving forward right now.  I know in part that this is good news as the odds dwindle, but I am overwhelmed because it is moving forward even with the one.  I woke in tears, dreaming of our loss...  My heart aches and yet I try to remain hopeful.  I have wanted to be a mom for a long while now.  She is more amazing than anything I ever envisioned.  I no longer wish to be a mom; I am a mom.  I am her mom, forever and ever no matter what, and she is my little girl.  The thought of losing her is far worse than what not being a mom would've been....  It's so easy to be angry to shake my fists and say "Why me?!" But I believe there has to be a Plan. I am ever hopeful that she IS my plan... I hope I have the strength to get through this.  This is a hard road we took and not knowing what's around the next bend is terrifying in my soul.  The next few weeks will bring visitation and court is around the corner in October.