Today Baby J had a visit with her birth mom. It's her second visit since she came to our home. She's growing and changing every day and I can only imagine how much she seems to have changed in the two weeks it's been since her birth mom saw her. Alot of people have alot of things to say about Baby J's and other birth moms who have made poor decisions that have led to their children's placement in foster care. It's easy for me to be angry and to judge and say those things too. It's particularly easy to go there on the bad days as are still very frequent. I have another view though.
I saw her birth mom that first day at the hospital and even then my heart hurt for her. Today I was given the opportunity to meet her. At the end of their visit I was able to go into the room and I shook her hand and we introduced ourselves. Then she did something I hadn't really expected, she said thank you. She thanked me for caring for her child. God gave me the compassion and grace to give her what she needed too. I assured her that it was our pleasure to enjoy Baby J and that we are only waiting on her to get better.
I've read so many blogs where the bio family isn't kind, that they steal the clothes or formula or whatever that you send for the visit. Baby J's mom on the other hand sent clothes and a cute bib and socks home for her. She left the visit with more than she arrived with.
While we walked to my car together her birth mom surprised me again and said, "I didn't know you, but I've been praying for you." I assured her I've been praying for her too. I also told her I'd send some pictures for her soon. I told her that I'd just had her 1mth milestone pictures made and I'd make sure she got one of those as well. She teared up and thanked me so much for doing that for Baby J. I hugged her before we left.
I won't say it wasn't awkward, because it was. I will also say that I am so glad I had the opportunity and that she was kind. I don't know how her mom will really do over the long haul, it's a tough road and I'm not sure I believe people can change. I do however have a glimmer of hope that this child could be the strength to make her change. If not, at least we all tried. At least I can reassure Baby J in the future that her birth mom loves her so very much because I saw it.