A Year Ago Today - My Daughter Came Home

I remember last December 30th vividly.  It's my oldest son's birthday and we spent the day together, just he and I after breakfast with his dad.  Mid-afternoon I dropped him off at his grandparents and when I got back in the car Hubby was calling.  He'd gotten the call.  I returned the call and made arrangements and the next few hours seemed to fly by and lag all at the same time.

I've never given birth, but on that fateful night a year ago, I became a mom.  I was scared.  Little babies have always scared me.  I was so excited though.  It was a dream come true for a mom's heart that had no child.  Around 6pm she arrived.  My tiny 4-pound, preemie baby.  Her face was smaller than the palm of my hand.  With her came a bag of handmade blankets, booties, and hats and all of them had Jeremiah 29:11 on tags with them; there's a plan and a Master Planner.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I cried that night.  I cried for the joy I felt holding that small, unnamed "Baby Girl" and I cried for the loss she'd already experienced in her first eight days of life.  I vowed to her that night to be her mommy, for as long as they would let me and until forever.

A year later I still make this vow.  "I love you more than there are stars and longer than the sun will burn. Forever and ever." She has changed my life and my heart.  I have never been in love like this before, nor did I ever fall so quickly and wholly.  From the moment she walked into my home, she was part of my heart. 

As I watched her today, walking from room to room, pointing at balloons, and signing "more" for more bites, I marveled at her.  The wondrous "Baby Girl".  The child of my dreams and my heart.  How big and how fast she has grown.  How smart she is.  How her smile and giggle make my heart fill with a joy I cannot begin to explain.  There were so many times that I cried out in anguish and true fear, the fear of a mother to lose her child, because I didn't know we would make it this far.  Here we are though.  We've now celebrated every holiday of her first year and tomorrow, tomorrow we will celebrate the coming of our second year together. 

Tonight my husband chose "Meet the Robinsons" for us to watch.  Of course what a fitting movie and one that seems a forshadowing of all that unfolded afterwards since it's part of our history and wedding vows.  I cried through the end when he meets his family.  My Baby Girl, she's not alone.  She has a family.  And me, this woman who desired a child so very much, I have a daughter sleeping in the next room.  My mother's heart is happy and so very full. 

On this anniversary, Baby Girl, know that you were loved from the moment you walked into this home.  It is the moment you became part of my heart and that I became your mommy. Forever and ever.  I love you, sweet daughter, love of my life, desire of my heart.

Busy week with a rapidly changing Baby Girl

Wow! December has flown by and especially the last week. Baby Girl's birthday bash was on Sunday 16th and we had a great turn out of friends and family! We had 50-60 people and I think she enjoyed it very much! I have never seen a baby enjoy cake like my little one does - stuffing it in with both hands! I enjoyed catering her party and even making her 3-tiered cake!
On Monday 17th our Baby Girl began truly walking! Up until this point she'd been taking a step here and there, but now, we're off to the races! I'm so proud of the big girl she's becoming but I'm also struggling with missing my precious, tiny baby. It wasn't even a year ago she came home so tiny at 4lbs and now she's wearing 24mth sized clothes and walking! Sometimes I really just want to hold her close, but she seems to be on the constant move.
I did get just a little time to hold my sweet baby again this week. I count it as one of many Christmas gifts from God. On the night of the 20th Baby Girl wasn't sleeping well. Maybe her legs hurt from walking, maybe she was over stimulated from yet another Christmas party, I'm really not sure what was wrong. I do know at 3am she cried and would not lay back down. She insisted that I pick her up and hold her. Not only did I hold her, but I was able to cradle her in my arms like the tiny baby I held a year ago. She lay in my arms awake looking into my eyes and holding me by the shirt tightly for over an hour before her sweet, tired eyes closed. I sat not moving and enjoying the moment well past her sleeping. Prayers of thanks I whispered to God for my Baby and our moment. While holding her it crossed my heart, maybe she's missing me too while striving for her independence.
On Saturday 22nd we celebrated her birthday. Her actual birthday. I wasn't there for the first one, but another December 22nd will not pass without celebrating my girl. I found my thoughts wondering to her birth mom and I whispered thanks again that she'd left our Baby somewhere safe instead of other alternatives; I also whispered a thank you from my heart for giving me my greatest, heart-filling joy. We had cupcakes with Big Sister on the afternoon of 12/22, a fitting birthday I thought with yet another balloon because she loves them so! We had lunch at Chik-fil-a and that girl loved the classic fried chicken sandwich! All in all it was a wonderful day.
Christmas Eve was busy but ended nicely and Christmas day brought gifts from Santa for our daughter's first Christmas. She was excited about her play kitchen, hippo, Elmo, tunnel, and all the toys she received. She was also very happy to have her brother's home again on Christmas Day. Her Dad and I were very happy and content to have all three of our children home.
I can't believe this coming Sunday 30th will mark the one year anniversary of her homecoming. What a year it's been. I love her with all my heart and I am so thankful for the way she has filled my heart and our home with joy abounding.

Angel Trees

Our Baby Girl was the recipient of an Angel Tree this year. Her worker showed up this week with a bag that included 3 outfits, a pair of shoes, a pair of pajamas, and 2 very nice toys. I have done the Angel Tree before a couple of times in a prior life. I never thought I'd be the recipient of one. It resounded in my heart how important those trees really are though. Hubby and I have discussed it and this will now be one of our Christmas traditions. We are blessed with a wonderful worker who applied for Baby Girl and all 'her kids', but also with a generous benefactor who took their time and money to benefit a foster child.

Party Planning

I am up and blogging at 5:45am on a Wednesday morning, a day off I might add.  I've been up for well over an hour.  I seem to be having anxiety about this weekend's festivities.  I am SUPER EXCITED to celebrate my Baby Girl's first birthday!  There have been many times throughout this year that I didn't know if we'd get to this point.  She is an amazing little person who truly fills the hole in my mother's heart.  Even knowing that and having the best intention and the correct perspective though, I'm nervous.
This has been such a trying year full of the unexpected that Chris and I have invited basically everyone we know to come celebrate our daughter with us.  That means that we've invited over 100 people by the time you include all of our friend's children.  While not everyone can or will attend, we are still expecting quite a large turn out.  Just our family and extended family will be over 30 people.  I bet we end up with somewhere between 60-75 guests.  Here in lays my anxiety.
I am anxious because I've never hosted, much less catered, an event of this magnitude.  I chose to do all of the food myself.  It's a challenge, but it's definitely more cost effective than the alternative.  It's a fairly simple menu of light appetizers and a massive cake.  I am currently having dreams and thus anxiety about my ability to pull this off.  I know I can do it and I feel organization is the key. I really hope I'm right.
Today, Wednesday, we will be finalizing all the grocery and decoration shopping.  I'm also hoping to assemble the goodie bags for the children this afternoon.  I also have a small visual project that I'd like to knock out today.  I must remain focused, organized, and confidant.  I am thankful for a supportive husband right now, because I expect he'll be soothing a crazy person by this weekend.

First Christmas

Today was great! I was blessed with spending time with my dad's side of the family. Every year there's a big shindig and this year it was at my Uncle's new lake house. Wow was that a beautiful home and piece of property! It was filled with home cooked food by my grandmother and her sisters. I know how blessed I am to have my grandmother; she's wonderful and amazing. All of our family is warm, inviting, and very loving. They all loved on and made over our Baby Girl and missed our boys who couldn't come since it wasn't our weekend. Baby Girl enjoyed watching the water, the fish (which incidentally was a huge wide mouth bass my cousin caught), the dog, and of course she loved the food!! It was great to have an uninterrupted afternoon, with no cell phones, to be able to enjoy the company of others. I wish that happened more often. Maybe some incorporation of that should follow me to the new year? Anyways, hubby and I had a wonderful time and I just felt very lucky while we were there. Sometimes we don't feel like we have much of a family, but today, today we were not alone. It felt nice. Merry Christmas, y'all. Tis the season.