I remember last December 30th vividly. It's my oldest son's birthday and we spent the day together, just he and I after breakfast with his dad. Mid-afternoon I dropped him off at his grandparents and when I got back in the car Hubby was calling. He'd gotten the call. I returned the call and made arrangements and the next few hours seemed to fly by and lag all at the same time.
I've never given birth, but on that fateful night a year ago, I became a mom. I was scared. Little babies have always scared me. I was so excited though. It was a dream come true for a mom's heart that had no child. Around 6pm she arrived. My tiny 4-pound, preemie baby. Her face was smaller than the palm of my hand. With her came a bag of handmade blankets, booties, and hats and all of them had Jeremiah 29:11 on tags with them; there's a plan and a Master Planner.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I cried that night. I cried for the joy I felt holding that small, unnamed "Baby Girl" and I cried for the loss she'd already experienced in her first eight days of life. I vowed to her that night to be her mommy, for as long as they would let me and until forever.
A year later I still make this vow. "I love you more than there are stars and longer than the sun will burn. Forever and ever." She has changed my life and my heart. I have never been in love like this before, nor did I ever fall so quickly and wholly. From the moment she walked into my home, she was part of my heart.
As I watched her today, walking from room to room, pointing at balloons, and signing "more" for more bites, I marveled at her. The wondrous "Baby Girl". The child of my dreams and my heart. How big and how fast she has grown. How smart she is. How her smile and giggle make my heart fill with a joy I cannot begin to explain. There were so many times that I cried out in anguish and true fear, the fear of a mother to lose her child, because I didn't know we would make it this far. Here we are though. We've now celebrated every holiday of her first year and tomorrow, tomorrow we will celebrate the coming of our second year together.
Tonight my husband chose "Meet the Robinsons" for us to watch. Of course what a fitting movie and one that seems a forshadowing of all that unfolded afterwards since it's part of our history and wedding vows. I cried through the end when he meets his family. My Baby Girl, she's not alone. She has a family. And me, this woman who desired a child so very much, I have a daughter sleeping in the next room. My mother's heart is happy and so very full.
On this anniversary, Baby Girl, know that you were loved from the moment you walked into this home. It is the moment you became part of my heart and that I became your mommy. Forever and ever. I love you, sweet daughter, love of my life, desire of my heart.