A Year Ago Today - My Daughter Came Home

I remember last December 30th vividly.  It's my oldest son's birthday and we spent the day together, just he and I after breakfast with his dad.  Mid-afternoon I dropped him off at his grandparents and when I got back in the car Hubby was calling.  He'd gotten the call.  I returned the call and made arrangements and the next few hours seemed to fly by and lag all at the same time.

I've never given birth, but on that fateful night a year ago, I became a mom.  I was scared.  Little babies have always scared me.  I was so excited though.  It was a dream come true for a mom's heart that had no child.  Around 6pm she arrived.  My tiny 4-pound, preemie baby.  Her face was smaller than the palm of my hand.  With her came a bag of handmade blankets, booties, and hats and all of them had Jeremiah 29:11 on tags with them; there's a plan and a Master Planner.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I cried that night.  I cried for the joy I felt holding that small, unnamed "Baby Girl" and I cried for the loss she'd already experienced in her first eight days of life.  I vowed to her that night to be her mommy, for as long as they would let me and until forever.

A year later I still make this vow.  "I love you more than there are stars and longer than the sun will burn. Forever and ever." She has changed my life and my heart.  I have never been in love like this before, nor did I ever fall so quickly and wholly.  From the moment she walked into my home, she was part of my heart. 

As I watched her today, walking from room to room, pointing at balloons, and signing "more" for more bites, I marveled at her.  The wondrous "Baby Girl".  The child of my dreams and my heart.  How big and how fast she has grown.  How smart she is.  How her smile and giggle make my heart fill with a joy I cannot begin to explain.  There were so many times that I cried out in anguish and true fear, the fear of a mother to lose her child, because I didn't know we would make it this far.  Here we are though.  We've now celebrated every holiday of her first year and tomorrow, tomorrow we will celebrate the coming of our second year together. 

Tonight my husband chose "Meet the Robinsons" for us to watch.  Of course what a fitting movie and one that seems a forshadowing of all that unfolded afterwards since it's part of our history and wedding vows.  I cried through the end when he meets his family.  My Baby Girl, she's not alone.  She has a family.  And me, this woman who desired a child so very much, I have a daughter sleeping in the next room.  My mother's heart is happy and so very full. 

On this anniversary, Baby Girl, know that you were loved from the moment you walked into this home.  It is the moment you became part of my heart and that I became your mommy. Forever and ever.  I love you, sweet daughter, love of my life, desire of my heart.

Busy week with a rapidly changing Baby Girl

Wow! December has flown by and especially the last week. Baby Girl's birthday bash was on Sunday 16th and we had a great turn out of friends and family! We had 50-60 people and I think she enjoyed it very much! I have never seen a baby enjoy cake like my little one does - stuffing it in with both hands! I enjoyed catering her party and even making her 3-tiered cake!
On Monday 17th our Baby Girl began truly walking! Up until this point she'd been taking a step here and there, but now, we're off to the races! I'm so proud of the big girl she's becoming but I'm also struggling with missing my precious, tiny baby. It wasn't even a year ago she came home so tiny at 4lbs and now she's wearing 24mth sized clothes and walking! Sometimes I really just want to hold her close, but she seems to be on the constant move.
I did get just a little time to hold my sweet baby again this week. I count it as one of many Christmas gifts from God. On the night of the 20th Baby Girl wasn't sleeping well. Maybe her legs hurt from walking, maybe she was over stimulated from yet another Christmas party, I'm really not sure what was wrong. I do know at 3am she cried and would not lay back down. She insisted that I pick her up and hold her. Not only did I hold her, but I was able to cradle her in my arms like the tiny baby I held a year ago. She lay in my arms awake looking into my eyes and holding me by the shirt tightly for over an hour before her sweet, tired eyes closed. I sat not moving and enjoying the moment well past her sleeping. Prayers of thanks I whispered to God for my Baby and our moment. While holding her it crossed my heart, maybe she's missing me too while striving for her independence.
On Saturday 22nd we celebrated her birthday. Her actual birthday. I wasn't there for the first one, but another December 22nd will not pass without celebrating my girl. I found my thoughts wondering to her birth mom and I whispered thanks again that she'd left our Baby somewhere safe instead of other alternatives; I also whispered a thank you from my heart for giving me my greatest, heart-filling joy. We had cupcakes with Big Sister on the afternoon of 12/22, a fitting birthday I thought with yet another balloon because she loves them so! We had lunch at Chik-fil-a and that girl loved the classic fried chicken sandwich! All in all it was a wonderful day.
Christmas Eve was busy but ended nicely and Christmas day brought gifts from Santa for our daughter's first Christmas. She was excited about her play kitchen, hippo, Elmo, tunnel, and all the toys she received. She was also very happy to have her brother's home again on Christmas Day. Her Dad and I were very happy and content to have all three of our children home.
I can't believe this coming Sunday 30th will mark the one year anniversary of her homecoming. What a year it's been. I love her with all my heart and I am so thankful for the way she has filled my heart and our home with joy abounding.

Angel Trees

Our Baby Girl was the recipient of an Angel Tree this year. Her worker showed up this week with a bag that included 3 outfits, a pair of shoes, a pair of pajamas, and 2 very nice toys. I have done the Angel Tree before a couple of times in a prior life. I never thought I'd be the recipient of one. It resounded in my heart how important those trees really are though. Hubby and I have discussed it and this will now be one of our Christmas traditions. We are blessed with a wonderful worker who applied for Baby Girl and all 'her kids', but also with a generous benefactor who took their time and money to benefit a foster child.

Party Planning

I am up and blogging at 5:45am on a Wednesday morning, a day off I might add.  I've been up for well over an hour.  I seem to be having anxiety about this weekend's festivities.  I am SUPER EXCITED to celebrate my Baby Girl's first birthday!  There have been many times throughout this year that I didn't know if we'd get to this point.  She is an amazing little person who truly fills the hole in my mother's heart.  Even knowing that and having the best intention and the correct perspective though, I'm nervous.
This has been such a trying year full of the unexpected that Chris and I have invited basically everyone we know to come celebrate our daughter with us.  That means that we've invited over 100 people by the time you include all of our friend's children.  While not everyone can or will attend, we are still expecting quite a large turn out.  Just our family and extended family will be over 30 people.  I bet we end up with somewhere between 60-75 guests.  Here in lays my anxiety.
I am anxious because I've never hosted, much less catered, an event of this magnitude.  I chose to do all of the food myself.  It's a challenge, but it's definitely more cost effective than the alternative.  It's a fairly simple menu of light appetizers and a massive cake.  I am currently having dreams and thus anxiety about my ability to pull this off.  I know I can do it and I feel organization is the key. I really hope I'm right.
Today, Wednesday, we will be finalizing all the grocery and decoration shopping.  I'm also hoping to assemble the goodie bags for the children this afternoon.  I also have a small visual project that I'd like to knock out today.  I must remain focused, organized, and confidant.  I am thankful for a supportive husband right now, because I expect he'll be soothing a crazy person by this weekend.

First Christmas

Today was great! I was blessed with spending time with my dad's side of the family. Every year there's a big shindig and this year it was at my Uncle's new lake house. Wow was that a beautiful home and piece of property! It was filled with home cooked food by my grandmother and her sisters. I know how blessed I am to have my grandmother; she's wonderful and amazing. All of our family is warm, inviting, and very loving. They all loved on and made over our Baby Girl and missed our boys who couldn't come since it wasn't our weekend. Baby Girl enjoyed watching the water, the fish (which incidentally was a huge wide mouth bass my cousin caught), the dog, and of course she loved the food!! It was great to have an uninterrupted afternoon, with no cell phones, to be able to enjoy the company of others. I wish that happened more often. Maybe some incorporation of that should follow me to the new year? Anyways, hubby and I had a wonderful time and I just felt very lucky while we were there. Sometimes we don't feel like we have much of a family, but today, today we were not alone. It felt nice. Merry Christmas, y'all. Tis the season.

Job hunting

I'm looking for a job. I love working at the restaurant, but if I'm going to work I feel I should probably do something with a greater return. I'm not sure what that is yet. With my varied experience, and thus varied resume, I'm not even sure what I'm qualified for now. I think I'd like to work for a larger institution than what I've worked for in the past. If I'm going to work I definitely want to have opportunity for advancement. I'm just praying that what's right and what will work best for our family presents itself. I do not want a mind-numbingly boring drone job for sure!

Giving thanks

I want to do the list of what I'm thankful for so I'm going to try and update this each day. We'll see.

1. I am thankful for my husband. In every way we fit together just right. He is my best friend and a partner I can count on.

2. I am thankful for Baby Girl. She has filled the hole in my Mother's heart and is truly the answer to many whispered prayers. She fills our home with laughter and joy.

3. I am thankful for my boys. They are so very different and they each bring me joy in their individual ways. They are both sweet, caring, good boys who are trying to grow into men. They are challenging. I love them as if they were my own.

4. I am thankful for Baby J. I miss my tiniest girl every day. She left a scar on my heart and our family that will last all our lives. I am thankful for the privilege of being her mom even if it was only four months. I am thankful that in that time she transformed from a very sick baby to a happy, healthy giggle-box.
I am thankful for the lessons that she taught me, about her, about our family, and about the system. I am ever thankful for you, my Baby J always.

5. I am thankful that I was taught to cook and bake! I enjoy it so much and I enjoy sharing it with my loved ones. Thanks, Mom, for teaching me!

6. I'm thankful for the right to vote and for all of the men and women before who fought to earn this right. God Bless America.

7. I am thankful for our lovely, little home here in Homewood. We are fortunate enough to have a great community, excellent educational system, and A city that is always trying to improve. Love Homewood!

8. Thankful for my job and my boss. Love the food here and even talking food here! Love my customers too.

9. I am thankful for good friends and i am blessed with a number of them.

10. I am thankful for Mama Ruby. She is an amazing grandmother. She has loved and spoiled me since I was a tiny girl and now I am so thankful that she loves and spoils my children. She's 80 years young!

11. I'm thankful for Mawmaw Margaret. I think she may be my biggest fan. She's incredible and I'm lucky to be very like her. She's 78 and going strong. She still puts on her make up and she helps 'old people.' I'm thankful for her laughter and her knowledge.

12. I'm thankful for Mama Saun and Papa Don. Virtuous, steadfast, and strong, but also gentle and loving. I'm thankful that Papa is 82 years young and is still so vibrant. I'm thankful that Saun can relate on what it's like to be a 'stepmom.' they are truly blessings.

13. I am thankful for mine and my families good health. We are in good shape and are able to enjoy a variety of activities.

14. I'm thankful for my niece, Princess P. I've been in love with her from the beginning; she was my first girl ;) She is delightful, inquisitive, and intuitive. Her hugs always make me feel better. Love that precious girl!

15. I am thankful for Coop. My sweet baby bird has been with me 7 years now. He chose me in the beginning and I am thankful to have him as part of my life- even when he's obnoxiously loud haha

16. I am thankful for Fridays. Paychecks, weekends with my daughter, and pizza and wine dates with my husband. I'm a very thankful girl today.

17. I am thankful (and excited about) date night with my husband. It's nice to have the opportunity to share a little time away from the children just holding hands and enjoying one another's company. I am thankful that he's taking me to the movies tonight for vampires!

18. Thankful for the new crockpot. Making life easier in busy times!

19. Thankful for my two boys who raked and bagged leaves for hours without complaining. Glad they accept milk shakes as payment :)

20. Thankful for God who listens when I pray. I spend a lot of time giving thanks for my blessings and praying protection over my daughter and strength for hubby and I.

21. Thankful I don't work retail during holiday season!

22. I am thankful that our families were all willing and able to come spend Thanksgiving Day with us. I am also thankful for Paula Deen's recipes for southern cornbread dressing and squash casserole without which this year's 'traditional feast' would not have been so good.

23. I am thankful for my gift card to Lowe's! I was able to snag two great deals to improve our home today! Updating the floor and a new curtain rod for the bathroom!

24. I am thankful for college football and Iron Bowl Saturday. SEC football is amazing and the fun and fellowship it brings with friends is awesome! War Eagle.

Home is where the heart is

Four years ago My Love and I purchased our home. We are the second owners of a 1962 house. We spent nearly a month painting and making minor, aesthetic updates before moving in. That month was a lot of fun; it was full of energy, excitement, and margaritas. Four years later, like any house it's had it's ups and downs, but I can truly say it is home. Pictures of our children line the walls, Halloween decorations hang inside and out, and love abounds. I love our quaint home on the hill in Homewood.

Soccer mom

Our oldest had his first game of the season last night. His jersey number is 48. He's playing defense and goalie. He did great on both. In fact, without prejudice I'd say he was one of (if not the) best players on the team! He really made some great stops! More than that though he was showing signs of leadership telling the other boys which positions to take to increase their strengths. I was really proud of our kiddo. He's showing a lot of talent and it's coupled with amazing grades and budding leadership skills. He's turning into quite the young man. Love my boy <3

Hair Care

I am so very blessed to have such a beautiful Baby Girl. She is growing and changing every day and I pray thanksgiving for the privilege of being her mom each morning and each night. I also pray thanks for the many wonderful people who have become a support network for many different aspects of our journey. Yesterday I had a new friend come over and help me with Baby Girl's hair. It's growing like the rest of her and is particularly long on top. Not only did our friend come to teach me, she brought all of the stuff we needed for now and for a little later on! What a blessing! She showed me some tricks and taught me about the product and encouraged me that it'll get faster and easier with practice :)
Well, my Baby Girl was beautiful to start, but she looks so adorable with her hair done!

Big Sister's Birthday

We celebrated Big Sister's 5th birthday today. We were welcomed by all as 'just part of the family.' Not only did we feel welcome, but they all seemed to enjoy theirselves and actually want to be there! Nobody was rushing for the door. They were enjoying their relationships and family time! What a refreshing family experience; one that I felt blessed to be part of. I am so thankful for many aspects of this journey. I love birthday cake :)

Fall

I love each season for different reasons. I love autumn for the smells, warm colors, football, chili, and festivals. The cooler weather the last few days has given us a glimpse of what fall will bring.

We have been and are still waiting on a call to tell us if visitation will move forward with Baby Girl's bio relative. I'm praying that no news is good news. I don't really have any other way to look at it. Today we are one month out from our next court date. I love her. I pray.

She is really getting around now. She crawls full speed on all fours, she pulls up on everything, and she's picking up anything and trying to put it in her mouth!

Our oldest wanted me to be the soccer 'team mom.' with everything going on I told him I just didn't know if I could commit to it. Well no one else volunteered and it's a job that must be done. I guess it's official: I'm a soccer mom! My boy is happy and really it wouldn't be me if I wasn't juggling too much haha!

After the football game I came home to finish making pound cake for tomorrow's teacher brunch at the Elementary school. I make THE Best pound cake. It's a recipe I came by last year when we were doing our GPS training and it's phenomenal! I hope the teachers enjoy it!

I love my family.

I pray

People tell me I should pray about what's happening with Baby Girl. It always surprises me. Do they think I don't pray? How would I get through each day? How would she have gotten here at all?

I pray every day. I have been praying for years now. I prayed for a beautiful baby girl for my husband and I to parent together. I prayed specifically for Trinity, the one who would complete us. She would be a beautiful mix of us both with dark wavy hair, bright eyes, big spirit, and his intellect. Trinity never came though I cried out in anguish. I still think God heard me though because he's answered me.
Baby Girl and Baby J, maybe others later, these are my daughters. They are the perfect answer to imperfect prayer. Baby Girl, my first girl, she is more real and more satisfying than anything I envisioned of what 'our child' would be. She is full of life and spirit. I thank God for her continually for she fills the hole in my Mother's heart. She is the answer to many tearful cries. She is beautiful and more perfect than any prayer I made for her.
I still pray. Everyday I pray. I pray thanks for the blessing that she is. I pray for the strength and courage to be her mom, to be her advocate, to be her voice. I pray for her protection. I pray that no matter His plan and the path that is before us that she'll know she was loved even before first sight.
I am human though and while I try to be strong through this, sometimes I am weak, and then I pray, if there is any way please Dear God let her stay. The only answer I hear is 'Be still.' I don't know what comes but I am most certainly praying.

Aching

There was an updated on our Baby Girl's case today.  Of the three prospective relatives there are now only two placement possibilities and of those two only one is moving forward right now.  I know in part that this is good news as the odds dwindle, but I am overwhelmed because it is moving forward even with the one.  I woke in tears, dreaming of our loss...  My heart aches and yet I try to remain hopeful.  I have wanted to be a mom for a long while now.  She is more amazing than anything I ever envisioned.  I no longer wish to be a mom; I am a mom.  I am her mom, forever and ever no matter what, and she is my little girl.  The thought of losing her is far worse than what not being a mom would've been....  It's so easy to be angry to shake my fists and say "Why me?!" But I believe there has to be a Plan. I am ever hopeful that she IS my plan... I hope I have the strength to get through this.  This is a hard road we took and not knowing what's around the next bend is terrifying in my soul.  The next few weeks will bring visitation and court is around the corner in October.

Football Momma

I'm so glad our youngest son is playing football! For many reasons this is great for him! This is the first sport he's ever requested to play, he's making new friends, building confidence, becoming more fit and athletic, and ENJOYING it!! I could go on with the benefits to him, but it suffices that I'm so happy he has found something he likes. Great for him, but I'm happy for another reason too: I always wanted to be a football momma if I had a boy!! I love football! I love the game! I love the atmosphere, I love the uniforms, I love the cheerleaders, I love everything about it! Congrats, C! I'm proud of you for doing this and I'm proud to be a Homewood Patriots football momma! I'll be cheering for #70!

Plans

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Do you know how many times I've wondered what brought me to this place? If you knew me before 2007, you know there was a time when I had it all planned out. I hit every mark in my education just as planned, I hit the mark with work, I was accepted and enrolled in a top tier law school.
It was all so easy and all planned out. I was methodical in my achievements. It was oh so satisfying too.
Then I met the Love of my Life. I planned him out to be a summer's fun. He helped me move for school and I thought that was the end of it; it was time to focus on the next goal. That man exceeded (and still does) any expectation I ever had of what a partner would be. While our relationship thrived and flourished, my academic career was dwindling. I could have continued, but I learned something about myself: I wanted to be a child advocate and a mom, not work 90 hours a week to be an attorney.
The knowledge that I could no longer plan sent me reeling. In some ways I am a very different person. I am no longer career and academically focused. This was never in my plans.
As Hubby and I grew we decided on house and children and all those things that love plans. We briefly discussed adoption - you know, for after we have 'our children.' Biology is a funny thing. It cannot be planned either. We learned the hard way that it cannot be planned or forced.
We want to parent together. We want the beauty of small children in our home. We begin to research adoption and the many options available. We decide on foster for a number of reasons. Everything falls in to place just like that.
Then we wait. Wait. Wait. Then our daughter comes home. Everything seems perfect. Everything seems meant to be. Then our littlest one arrives, but she's much more complicated. We have brief discussions of what if. Then our tiny one leaves and we are again reeling. The phone call comes that there are threats to our meant to be.
We are waiting. We tried planning. We tried being proactive. All responses are wait.
This is the hardest thing. I am a planner. I am proactive. I am currently completely helpless. I trust there IS a plan and I am waiting on it for my next steps.

Football

I'm a proud football momma these days!  Our youngest boy started practice yesterday!  A linebacker!  He is SO excited!  Since he's not playing with his brother and they're diversifying interests, I think this is really going to be good for him and has the potential to bring out his competitive side.  If you're looking for me at the game, I'll be the one yelling loudest :)  Go Patriots! Go Christian! Hustle, Hustle, Hustle!



Losing Baby J

It's been six days since my littlest girl, Baby J, left us.  It's been six days since I felt whole.  People thought I was crazy for taking two infants, but when you have two infants, you just make it work.  Now with only one, I am painfully aware of our loss day in and day out.  There are so many things I want to share about this and after six days, I still don't know where to begin.

Baby J came to us the Saturday following Easter.  I picked that tiny, fragile person up at the hospital.  Baby J was so very sick and so very fragile.  She would scream in pain sometimes for hours.  I thought her toes would keep her feet curled into balls permanently.  In the beginning it was really hard and I wondered if I'd made a mistake.  There were times I was so tired and I was so frustrated and I felt angry at her, but she was just so sick and pitiful.  As the pain subsided around 6-8 weeks after we got her, her episodes became more intermittent and her personality began to develop. 

Baby J has the sweetest disposition.  She knows and preferred her mommy, this mommy. She would smile and giggle like nothing else.  Her little, soft spirit seems to say "love me please if you will."  And I do.  I love her completely, whole-heartedly.  I miss her like one might miss their arm after a tragic accident. 

Six days later, I still wake up to feed her around 3am.  She's not here for me to feed though.  No more do I get to snuggle that tiny girl who waited for me to put her to bed.  No more do I get to hear the beautiful sound of that little gigglebox.  What I wouldn't give to hold her again.  What I wouldn't give just to have said goodbye.

Like most tragedies, Baby J left us without warning.  Without an inkling, in the stillness she was snatched away.  I don't begrudge her grandparents taking her really, I only begrudge the system for my ill-preparation and the lack of thought that left us with no goodbye.

Alot of people have tried to find words of comfort.  Let me help, there are none.  There are no words to comfort a parent for the loss of their child.  It doesn't matter how that child came to be theirs, it is the same.  It doesn't matter how long that parent was able to parent their child, that love is so strong and unconditional.  You cannot comfort us in this loss, so just listen and try to empathize. Please don't try and belittle it. Please don't try and draw comparisons. Please don't remind me that we signed up for foster care. We lost a child; it is devastating.

Baby J will forever be our girl, though we were only lucky enough to be her parents for her first four months.  I will forever think of her for she has marked me for the rest of my life.  My only comforting thought is that maybe, though she won't remember her first family, that we helped her for the rest of her life; she came to us so very sick but she left us happy and healthy.

It is that last thought that leaves me open to the possibility of doing it again, of the possibility of beign broken-hearted again. Baby J needed us.  She needed a family that would commit to loving her and helping her get well.  Baby J is one of many babies who are unfortunately born with this very same need.  I miss Baby J every hour of every day and I have for the last six days, but I might just do it again...



For T

My husband wrote this for our daughter, Baby Girl.  It's heartbreakingly beautiful.  It's all hers and no one can take it away from her.


"She's asleep when he walks in
not a worry in her little heart.

Yet when he leans in to kiss her cheek
those beautiful eyes they open wide.

A special smile she saves just for him
he will hold on to for his too long life.

He picks her up like there's no else
for him there's no one else in this world.

And they spin gently round the room
it's just him and that baby girl.

She giggles in surprise and is held tight against his chest
everything in her life is still so very new.

But you see he now knows how this story goes
knows these days are even more precious and few.

And as she hugs his neck he somehow keeps it in
this time is suddenly just too damn short
so he quietly whispers to her the truth.

I'm gonna dance with you now
Since tomorrow just went away
You won't remember this night
But for me it'll have to stay
You are my little girl
And to me you are the world
So I'm gonna dance with you now
Because tomorrow, well tomorrow
just went away.

In a hundred years no one will care
about a daddy and his baby girl
But in these moments with you in my arms
there's nothing else in this world
And if the older you could look back on me tonight
I'd speak from my soul
that if I can't hold your hand any longer than this
then my dreams for you
will still be there to hold.

So I'm gonna dance with you now
Since tomorrow just went away
You won't remember this night
But for me it'll have to stay
You are my little girl
And to me you are the world
So I'm gonna dance with you now
Because tomorrow, well tomorrow
just went away."

Mantra

Over and over

'Please, Dear God, not my Baby Girl'

Crazy week, Crazy life

I haven't posted since Mother's day, but as you can imagine it's non-stop around here.  There are a number of reasons why I haven't posted of late.  The laundry list of reasons includes but is not limited to:  available time for blogging, drama, and sheer confusion about what to share and what not to.

So, here's the update n what's been happening and what is in the near future.

First, Baby Girl is now over 6-months old!  That beautiful baby makes my heart smile every day!  She weighed in at 18lbs and 3oz at her last check-up and is in the 85percentile.  I'm one proud momma!  She's not able to sit up on her own, but she can maintain the position without falling over for a couple of minutes at a time.  She's also able to get all over the room, but still isn't crawling.  She spins around on her belly and scoots herself by pushing her feet whether she's on her back or front. She's the cutest child I've ever seen and I am so thankful for her in every way.

Baby J is also growing and changing.  We had a really rough start with her. She was so sick and shaky to begin, but this child has come SO far!  She smiles and giggles all the time!  The only times she's really fussy any more are when she's hungry!  Good Lord don't make either of my girls wait on a bottle!  Baby J is nearly 4 months old!  It seems like just yesterday I brought her home from the hospital as a temporary visitor.  She's nearly doubled in weight.  She's just begun scooting on her back by pushing with her feet.  She's reaching and grabbing toys, playing, trying to roll but getting stuck on her side... She's just really hit the fast-forward button in developing and I really don't see much if any of a lag anymore.  Even the pediatrician said she's marveled at how far Baby J has come.  She said she didn't know what I was doing with the babies at home, but to please keep doing it.  That really made me feel good.

Both our boys are registered for our school system pending just a couple more documents and we're very excited about the opportunities that'll be made available to each of them as a result.  Just praying it all pushes through.

Our Oldest son is at band camp this week.  He'd tried out several months ago and chose the French horn.  He's learning Hot Cross Buns, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and a few others this week.  I'm really proud of him and his efforts.

Our Younger son is at McWane Science Camp this week.  He's learning about Forces of Nature.  He seems to be enjoying it and learning.  He begins Football in August and we're all excited about it.  He said he wanted to play so his Mom registered him!  I think he's nervous about it.  He's a born athlete, but he tends to be on the inactive side, so it'll be interesting to see how it plays out.  His newest thing is claiming he thinks he has asthma when he gets winded riding his bike....  Well, football will get him in shape I hope and in a hurry!

For July 4th we did our annual blueberry picking!  It was HOT outside and the berries were more difficult to pick because many had ripened early and already fallen.  We did get 4 gallons though.  Late that afternoon we visited briefly with some old friends where we usually spend the 4th.  We couldn't stay for the fireworks there though because the boys' karate instructor through a huge pool party at our community pool!  It was a great party!  The park beside the pool is also a prime location for watching the fireworks.  It was a win all the way around!

This weekend we leave for our annual family vacation.  This year it's much different given there are now 6 of us (4 children - it often occurs to me we're far outnumbered)!  We're also taking our very first EVER whole week of vacation!  We're taking the children to the beach.  I'm looking forward to seeing how the girls react to the beach.  I think it was a good choice for our diverse age groups :)

Mother's Day 2012

Mother's Day was Sunday.  I have to be honest, I have always thought Mother's Day/Father's Day were silly.  Since I've been working in food service I find them utterly awful.  It seems to me that if most people were nicer to their mother all year long it wouldn't be so bad and restaurants wouldn't be so awful.  As it is, I refer to the as Hallmark Holidays.  The book Waiter's Rant is fantastic for many reasons, but should be read for the chapter on Mother's Day alone.

Those things said, this was my first Mother's Day to have small children in the house.  Several people wished me a Happy first Mother's Day!  While the sentiment was very sweet, and true to an extent, it made me a little sad because it's just further proof that nobody respects a stepmom.  I never see the boys on Mother's Day and until last year had never gotten a phone call from them on Mother's Day.  Maybe next year somebody will tell them they should get me a card.  I'm not their birth mom, but I'm their "mom" too - I give hugs, discipline, do homework, make meals, and cart them to practices... Those are all mom tasks... I love my boys.

Now for my first Mother's Day with the girls, there were some very nice things.  I got a card "signed" by both Baby Girl and Baby J!  Me, the Mother's Day skeptic, cried like a little girl at the scribble. I was given a framed picture of the three of us that reads "Happy Mother's Day! You are our world" and a great polka dotted snuggly blanket.  These came from the girls and my wonderful husband.  My girlfriend, Laura, gave me a gorgeous yellow and purple orchid for Mother's Day.  One of my grandmother's, my dad's stepmom in fact, mailed me a Mother's Day card; she and I have had many conversations about being a stepmom and she always calls me on Mother's Day.  After work I came home to a lovely steak dinner my fella prepared for us and we spent the evening with the girls.  It was a really lovely Sunday afternoon.

Meeting the Birth Mom

Today Baby J had a visit with her birth mom. It's her second visit since she came to our home.  She's growing and changing every day and I can only imagine how much she seems to have changed in the two weeks it's been since her birth mom saw her.  Alot of people have alot of things to say about Baby J's and other birth moms who have made poor decisions that have led to their children's placement in foster care.  It's easy for me to be angry and to judge and say those things too.  It's particularly easy to go there on the bad days as are still very frequent.  I have another view though.
I saw her birth mom that first day at the hospital and even then my heart hurt for her.  Today I was given the opportunity to meet her.  At the end of their visit I was able to go into the room and I shook her hand and we introduced ourselves.  Then she did something I hadn't really expected, she said thank you.  She thanked me for caring for her child.  God gave me the compassion and grace to give her what she needed too.  I assured her that it was our pleasure to enjoy Baby J and that we are only waiting on her to get better.
I've read so many blogs where the bio family isn't kind, that they steal the clothes or formula or whatever that you send for the visit.  Baby J's mom on the other hand sent clothes and a cute bib and socks home for her.  She left the visit with more than she arrived with.
While we walked to my car together her birth mom surprised me again and said, "I didn't know you, but I've been praying for you."  I assured her I've been praying for her too.  I also told her I'd send some pictures for her soon.  I told her that I'd just had her 1mth milestone pictures made and I'd make sure she got one of those as well.  She teared up and thanked me so much for doing that for Baby J.  I hugged her before we left.
I won't say it wasn't awkward, because it was. I will also say that I am so glad I had the opportunity and that she was kind.  I don't know how her mom will really do over the long haul, it's a tough road and I'm not sure I believe people can change.  I do however have a glimmer of hope that this child could be the strength to make her change.  If not, at least we all tried.  At least I can reassure Baby J in the future that her birth mom loves her so very much because I saw it.

Growing up!

It's amazing how fast children grow up. I remember my sweet boys when Hubby and I started dating. They were so small still and so sweet.  We had many a pillow fight at which time it was easy to knock them over with said pillow.  They are both so very big now.  Our oldest is so excited about the end of this school year and beginning Homewood Middle School next year.  We are also very excited for him! I think he will love it and I know it's going to open a new exciting chapter in his life.  I'm so proud of him for trying out and joining the band!  We went with him this week and he tested highest in trumpet and French horn.  He chose the French horn!  So excited of him.

The youngest boy wants to play football!  Hopefully we'll have a Homewood Patriot on our hands soon :)  I'll keep ya posted.  Love those boys!

Baby Girl is now rolling over and trying very hard to sit up.  She loves her Jenny Jump Up! She's growing so fast!

Baby J is now nearly 6 weeks old.  She's put on a good amount of weight and is definitely progressing.
Love those girls!

Love my family!

We Love Homewood Day

We Love Homewood!  May 5, 2012

Just the 6 of us! My beautiful family!

Here are some pictures from our We Love Homewood Day celebration.  I love this community.  I love that so many of the people we run into here grew up here as children, moved away, and returned here to raise their children here.  I think it speaks volumes to have left the nest and then to have such a conviction about the community and schools to come back to raise your family here.  I love this place.

Homewood High School Band performance

Chris Loves Capt. America

Avengers opening weekend; appropriate art!